This is an excerpt, slightly reworded, from my personal journal. I'm trying to be more transparent with my writing, and I believe being willing to share my innermost thoughts with my readers will enable me to do that. The two topics I wrote about that December night tend to drift in between each other, but were written with the purpose of being linked together. I hope they are enjoyable for you.
December 31st, 2018, from my personal journal:
We finished watching Larkrise to Candleford tonight. I feel quite sad. It's a strange kind of magic, the influence a show can have on you. Every film I love holds a deeper meaning for me, but Larkrise is unique; it makes me look at myself differently. Flora Thompson's words and her outlook on life, remind me how truly beautiful the world is. She makes me feel poetic, the way I did when I was a girl. When I transport myself to her world, I feel I am a different person. I allow myself to feel giddy joys and to hope for romance. It's a feeling I never experience otherwise, and the fact that it's because of a TV series is almost ridiculous.
But that's the purpose of entertainment, isn't it? To make us view the world differently, and to step into someone else's shoes without having to deal with the consequences of their actions. Entertainment is our only means of time travel, and the most unique way for us to walk someone else's path. I believe I can never underestimate it's importance, and I've always felt it.
The most dear girl came up to my table at my book signing, and bought my book. She couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old and was so nervous. The look on her face when she saw my book; She looked entranced. She was so excited that she was getting an author to sign it, and she was so precious. I can't stop thinking about how she will read it, and how it may become the childhood novel that will influence her the way Anne of Green Gables influenced me. It's moment's like those that make the struggle and lack of success worth it. Because if I have helped even one person, better yet a child, to feel inspired, then I am more rewarded than if I were a 3x bestseller. I like to think Flora Thompson felt this way when she published Larkrise.
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a success, when it comes to writing in particular. Everyone measures it so differently. Many see it as the amount of money they earn, the amount of people in their life, or the amount of experiences they've had that have altered them significantly. But whichever way you view it, people always measure success by quantity. People view life as a means to achieve, and then they will be successful.
But perhaps the greatest achievement in life, is living. Being alive every day, feeling emotions rise through you like sprites in a dark forest. I may never be a legendary writer, but I've lived richly enough to fill pages with words, to think things that don't exist and people that aren't alive, and I can make them real. And perhaps I may be the only one to every fully appreciate that, but that doesn't mean it's not full of worth. If that were true, then life wouldn't be full of worth, for only we ourselves can truly appreciate the depths of our own thoughts.
But we don't just stop thinking them, and to me writing is the same as thinking, and as essential as breathing. And I will never grow tired of it, whether I publish thousands of books, or if my contribution to literature fades away with all the other works that have lost public value. And for that passion, I am truly grateful.
What did you think of this excerpt? Let me know in the comments below!